The Other Side of Avoidance: Where Magic Lives

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I can’t stop thinking about this quote:

“The magic you seek is on the other side of what we’ve been avoiding.” - Unknown

We all have dreams and goals that excite us - a fulfilling career, deep relationships, thriving health. Yet it's easy to endlessly wait for the stars to align or for when you “feel ready” before you finally take action.

The truth is, the stars will never align and you may never “feel ready.”

The magic meets us when we embrace discomfort, take action and confront what we’ve been avoiding.

Table of Contents

• The Problem

• Why It Matters

  • The Science

  • The Personal Impact

  • Leadership Impact

• How to Push Past Avoidance

• Summary

• Thought Provoker

The Problem

Avoidance is a common coping mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from perceived threats or discomfort. 

It's a natural human instinct to want to avoid pain and seek pleasure, but when we consistently avoid the things that challenge us, we limit our growth and potential.

It happens subtly.

We might avoid risky career moves, sticking with mediocrity or somewhere we aren’t valued. 

We shy away from vulnerability in relationships and then feel disconnected. 

We keep busy with stuff that doesn’t truly matter, instead of focusing on what will drive our business forward because of fear of failure.

To make matters worse, avoidance can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. 

Confirmation bias leads us to favor information that validates our preexisting beliefs and decisions, creating a feedback loop that reinforces our choices.

We rationalize our avoidance by focusing on information that supports our fears or perceived inadequacies leading to negative self talk.

We might tell ourselves that we're not capable of handling a particular situation or that we'll never be able to achieve our goals. These thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies, keeping us stuck and stagnating.

Why It Matters

When we avoid the things that challenge us, we miss out on opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

By facing our fears and pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones, we can tap into our inner strength and resilience.

Paying attention to what we avoid can sometimes be a hint at what we truly desire.

Our unmet desires often lie on the other side of our fears and discomfort. By noticing what we consistently avoid, we can gain insight into what we truly want and take steps towards achieving it.

When we prove to ourselves that we are capable of handling difficult situations, we build a sense of mastery and competence that can spill over into other areas of our lives.

The Science

Research shows that 87% of people believe that staying in their comfort zone holds them back from greater success.¹ 

Avoiding is a survival mechanism that has been hardwired into our brains through evolution. When faced with a perceived threat, our bodies release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing us to fight, flee, or freeze.²  

Today, the threats we typically face are more psychological than physical. When we avoid challenging situations or difficult emotions, we reinforce the belief that we are not capable of handling them, which can lead to more avoidance and anxiety.

Our brains are also wired to conserve energy and that means sticking with what we are familiar with, even if it isn't serving us.³ 

Change feels hard because we are fighting evolutionary forces hardwired into us.

For many people change doesn’t happen until they are forced to, and for some, that moment never comes. 

But you don’t have to wait, YOU can choose to start creating the magic you are looking for and you can start NOW. 

Courage is a skill that can be developed and every time we choose to do the work we’d rather avoid, we are building courage. (Learn more here.)

The Personal Impact

Imagine a time when you avoided something uncomfortable, like a difficult conversation or a new experience. Now, consider how things could have been different if you had faced that fear head-on. Perhaps that conversation would have brought you closer to your partner, or trying that new hobby would have introduced you to a new passion.

Studies have shown that people who regularly push themselves outside of their comfort zones and take on new challenges report higher levels of life satisfaction and overall well-being.⁴ 

By embracing discomfort and facing our fears, we open ourselves up to a richer, more fulfilling life.

Leadership Impact

As a leader, modeling the behavior of facing challenges head-on and embracing discomfort can have a powerful impact on your team. When you demonstrate a willingness to take on difficult tasks and push yourself outside of your comfort zone, you set an example for others to follow.

By supporting your team members in facing their own challenges and fears, you can help foster a culture of growth and resilience.

Encouraging your team to take risks, learn from failures, and celebrate successes can lead to increased innovation, creativity, and overall performance.

Take Action

How to Push Past Avoidance

Start Small to Avoid Overwhelm
Break down what you’ve been avoiding into something smaller and more manageable. Doing this helps build momentum while avoiding overwhelm.

Stop Procrastination Early
Spot avoidance behaviors as soon as they arise. Swiftly shift your focus and take action to counter resistance.

Fuel Courage By Connecting Values
Connect your ambitious goals to your deeply held values. Let your "why" fuel the courage to pursue them relentlessly.

Seek Support to Bust Roadblocks
Don't hesitate to enlist help when battling inner resistance. Seek support from friends, mentors, or professionals to push past your inner blocks.

Conquer Fear with Preparation
Manage anxiety and fear by thoroughly preparing for your endeavors. A well-prepared mind is more resilient.

Trust Consistent Effort
Remember that breakthroughs are rarely instantaneous. Trust in consistent, sustained effort and learn, grow and adapt along the way. 

Summary

We have to stop waiting for magical intervention, and instead initiate action today, especially in areas we've been resisting or avoiding. Time won't solve avoidance. There are no shortcuts.

The person we want to become is forged on the other side of what we fear. Imagine what awaits you and the person you’ll become after conquering your fears.

Key Takeaways

Overcoming Avoidance:

– Avoidance can hold us back from reaching our full potential

– Facing challenges can lead to increased confidence and self-esteem

– Embracing discomfort is a sign of growth and can lead to personal fulfillment

– Practicing self-compassion can increase motivation and resilience

Ideas for Action

– Start small to avoid overwhelm

– Stop procrastination early and redirect you focus to build courage

– Fuel courage by connecting to your values

– Seek support to bust through roadblocks

– Conquer fear with preparation

– Trust consistent effort and learn, grow and adapt along the way

Thought Provoker

Remember, it’s easy to wait for the “stars to align” or until you “feel ready,” but that time may never come.

Instead of waiting for the stars to align, take action and become the force capable of shaping your universe.

With appreciation,
Rey

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References:

1. Yeager DS, Dweck CS. Mindsets That Promote Resilience: When Students Believe That Personal Characteristics Can Be Developed. Educational Psychologist. 2012;47(4):302-314. doi:10.1080/00461520.2012.722805

2. Godoy LD, Rossignoli MT, Delfino-Pereira P, Garcia-Cairasco N, de Lima Umeoka EH. A Comprehensive Overview on Stress Neurobiology: Basic Concepts and Clinical Implications. Front Behav Neurosci. 2018;12:127. doi:10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00127

3. Bullmore E, Sporns O. The economy of brain network organization. Nat Rev Neurosci. 2012;13(5):336-349. doi:10.1038/nrn3214

4. Kashdan TB, Rose P, Fincham FD. Curiosity and Exploration: Facilitating Positive Subjective Experiences and Personal Growth Opportunities. Journal of Personality Assessment. 2004;82(3):291-305. doi:10.1207/s15327752jpa8203_05